Thursday, March 03, 2011

Cessation

It’s now nearly seven weeks since I stopped smoking, an activity that I was originally initiated into behind the compound wall of a temple as darkness was enveloping us late in the evening. I still clearly remember the instruction to inhale by making the “sss” sound inwardly. Without doing that it was just blowing and puffing the tasteless smoke. All I need to do is close my eye and I am transported back, still get the feel of that tasteless smoke in my mouth before the eventual inhalation.

I have quit many times before and restarted smoking. Sometimes for few days, sometimes for weeks and once for few months. But inevitably something or the other would lead me back to my love affair with cigarettes. All kinds of promise were made and broken. Every time one comes back to this tobacco smoking, one would lose a little bit of the inner voice, it would be normal to lose that little bit of confidence in oneself more so after pledging to move on. Yet I backed myself, never lost hope that eventually I would quit. One time I had quit for 11 months and it was nothing short of criminal to restart smoking. The addiction was practically over, redoing it was as good as being re-initiated into this recreational drug. On an early morning in Heathrow, with those fancy shining shops around, innumerable brands of cigarettes and the fresh smell of coffee, I was lured back in . There was this smoking lounge, beautiful people with their bagels, croissants and coffee’s, (back those days smoking was allowed in the airports), and I had six hours to kill. All I needed to be a part of that group was a cup of coffee and a pack of Marlboro’s. Well and truly back in. After finally getting an opportunity to travel international, first time travel outside India, what can I say, I succumbed. But I steadfastly believed in myself, believed that someday everything would fall in place and I would eventually quit.

Here I am trying again, though this time it does feel right.

2 comments:

Jean said...

Good Decision. Am sure you can stick to it this time. Promise me (and yourself) that if you restart, you'll post it here. :)

Nikhil Shah said...

Yes I will (I mean If I restart..) :0)